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As we approach the holidays, a time of great celebration, color, festivity and joy; we have to remember that it can also come with uneasiness, stress, or even seasonal depression. Let’s take a moment this season to recognize all those loving caregivers in our lives, acknowledging that the meaning of the holidays can come with mixed emotions. If you are blessed with good health and independence during the holidays, take a minute to say thanks to those that did their best to nurture and tend to you through the years. All of our moms and dads, grandparents and friends have been there to love and support us through the thick and thin.
However, someone else to think about this season is the caregiver tending to ill or frail loved ones. Maybe it is you that is a committed caregiver to a parent or grandparent. Maybe it is your mother or father caring for another in your family. There are so many of us, the able and willing, tending to the physical and medical needs of those struggling with illness. It is a unique kind of exhaustion and stress that caregivers can experience all year long, but especially during the holidays. While trying to keep the old family traditions going like the holiday meal and all its trimmings, getting the house warm with holiday décor and making sure every special person has a present under the tree; caregivers are still faced with the many and varied needs of the one they are caring for. Not to mention, for the ill or frail, holidays can bring about less than joyous moments; so a caregiver is also exerting the necessary energy and enthusiasm to provide emotional and spiritual support. In a time when we want to believe in the innocent, childlike joys of the holidays; we also have to remember that it takes a lot of energy.
I had a professor in college that described the energy in our bodies as a pitcher of water. As each person around us needs a little more from us, we pour a drink of water from our pitcher into their glass. “Having a bad day and need someone to listen,” pour a bit more. “Need me to run errands and pick up everything everyone needs,” pour another sip. “Need me to take you to the doctor and keep track of the medications,” pour a bit more. Each time someone needs something of us we pour from our soul knowing that it is because we care and want to help. But if no one helps refill the pitcher, at some point there will not be any water left. It is a sobering day when a family realizes you have no more to give. And it is not reasonable or healthy to think we are filled with an unlimited amount of energy.
Therefore, it is important that we encourage caregivers to take time this holiday season to replenish their water supply. They must be the first to advocate for their own self preservation and fill their pitcher up with restful activities and opportunities to pamper themselves in whatever special way is meaningful to them. Second, those of us surrounding special caregivers in our family and social community need to put forth some extra effort to indulge and tend to those caregivers. Remember, you may not always notice they need help, and they may not be so willing to ask. We have to be more direct in making sure our gifts of care and concern reach these caregivers before they are desperate for some help.
Here is a quick list of ideas you could consider for one in need of some true indulgences.
• It is easy to think “I will get them a massage”. How about you give them a day? Fill that day with special indulgences like a massage, pedicure, and any other special treatments they would not splurge on for themselves. Go out on a limb and create a moment when they truly know how loved they are by your special attention.
• Surprise a caregiver with an afternoon out with old friends. Most caregivers slowly disconnect from friends and family as the one they care for needs more and more assistance. Make sure the patient is covered; then send your caregiver out to lunch, a movie (balcony seats at the Warren make a movie more of an event) or a day of shopping. Make it even better and send
them to a destination for the day, like The Plaza in Kansas City or Utica Square in Tulsa.
• Commit to taking on one extra hour or day of care per week for 2010, so your caregiver can get away a little more throughout the year. Or gather the family and pay for some extra help in the home. By giving them a break, we all preserve the most important resource we have in health care – caregivers.
• Organize a gift that will hold special memories, like a family photo or outing that can include the patient. Keep in mind; everyone needs to take turns helping during the outing so your caregiver is not stuck with one more responsibility.
• Think big and make a long needed vacation possible. If you take on the role of caregiver for someone else, then maybe your caregiver would be willing to take that long weekend or week away. Whether a cruise or a driving trip, let them decide; but you can give the gift of making it possible. There is so much to consider but the more creative, the better.
What is most important in giving an indulgence to a caregiver is to give them permission to let go for an hour or a day. Even though your gift or gesture is well intended, the most committed of caregivers will feel awkward or guilty for leaving the post at the bedside of someone they are caring for. You have to make it imperative and safe for them to let go for a bit. That is the best gift you can give.
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